In the Gospel of Matthew, Chapter 19, vs. 3-6, we find this exchange:
Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?” And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”
The whole of Catholic teaching on marriage is summed up in this passage. Protestant Christians and non-Christians often give Catholics grief over our Church’s firm stand that a valid marriage can’t be ended in this life by a simple civil divorce. Yes, the legal marriage contract can be dissolved and the spouses may go their separate ways, but in God’s eyes, the two remain one flesh, married for life. For either to remarry is adultery, plain and simple. To non-Catholic (and even many Catholic) ears, that sounds harsh and uncompromising, and maybe it is… But there’s no denying that it is word for word what Jesus says in Matthew. To the extent that the Protestant denominations have “compromised” on this issue, they have compromised Scripture, and the direct and unambiguous teaching of Christ Himself.
“But wait!” defenders of serial marriage will counter. “What about Annulment?” Isn’t the annulment process just the Catholic Church’s “workaround” on this? Not only do divorcing couples have to pay a lawyer and the courts to get their marriages dissolved, Catholics have to pay the Church, too, to get a “spiritual divorce?” If you can afford both, you’re free and clear, right?
Wrong. This uncharitable, and, sadly, all too common non-Catholic sentiment reflects a gross misunderstanding of what the annulment process is, and how it works. Annulment is not “spiritual divorce.” It is, instead, the fruit of a full and thoughtful reading of this same passage in Matthew.
Christ does not say “Let no man separate…” and stop there. Instead, this valid command of God is half of a larger teaching communicated in the fuller statement – “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” Which raises a very important question – How do we know that our marriages, however legal, have been spiritually “joined together” by God?
People get married for a lot of reasons. Some marry for love, some for companionship, some for convenience, others for sex, money, power, property or prestige. Many marriages occur in reflexive response to an unplanned pregnancy. In some cultures, marriages are arranged by the families, and the bride and groom may never have met before the wedding day. Are all these marriages equally “ordained by God?”
Probably not. Is a pregnant teenager fully responsive to the inner calling of the Holy Spirit when she bows to parental pressure and marries the baby’s equally teenaged father? Is God on the scene when a man or woman chooses to marry someone they don’t love in exchange for access to wealth or security? If an abusive and controlling man hides his real self behind smooth lies and charm throughout the courtship, only to reveal his true personality after the wedding, is that God’s doing? More importantly, does a legal, civil marriage in these circumstances (and many others that could be listed) create a true spiritual bond in which the two have “become one flesh” in God’s eyes?
Again, probably not. Where the Catholic injunction against divorce takes seriously Jesus’ command to “let no man separate,” the Church’s teaching on annulment gives equal and necessary weight to the question, “Has God brought this couple together?” Has this union, in fact, been drawn together by God, or might it be the result of mere human folly? The Catholic annulment process is a lens focusing on this first half of Christ’s instruction in Matthew. For if God has not brought the couple together, then there really is no marriage. However long their legal, civil contract may have been in place, there has never, in God’s eyes or the Church’s, been a marriage. So annulment does not dissolve a valid marriage. It is a judgment made, after much investigation and sober consideration, that no valid marriage ever existed in the first place. No “separation” is necessary because the two have never become one in the way Jesus is referring to in Matthew.
So Christ teaches, and the Catholic Church affirms, that only God can create a valid marriage, and once that “joining together” has occurred, said marriage cannot be separated by the legal wrangling of mere mortals. Case closed.
But that’s not the end of the matter. There is another layer to the Gospel passage quoted above that many overlook, a dimension revealing a deeper truth about God, marriage and reality that is downright miraculous in scope (here’s the Google definition of “miracle”: A surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is considered to be divine). Beyond His surface response to the Pharisees’ question concerning divorce, Jesus is sharing a far greater “miraculous” truth about God and His overarching role in our lives:
God is actively engaged in the everyday lives of human beings in an ongoing, purposeful process of “joining together.”
Not only does it matter to God who we marry, He is actively working, moment by moment in our lives, to bring each of us together with the one counterpart soul He has “created from the beginning” to be joined to ours. If we can resist the distraction of our lusts, our fears, our desires for self-aggrandizement, and all the other lures the world uses to tempt us off our spiritual course, and allow our souls to be prayerfully drawn by the quiet leading of the Holy Spirit, God’s plan will be fulfilled in our lives and, through us and our marriages, in the world.
Marriage is a fulfillment of God’s plan, not our own. We were created from the beginning with marriage in mind. Our valid marriages serve a purpose larger than our own desires, larger, perhaps, than we can even begin to understand.
And I find that awe-inspiring. I don’t think I’ve done this last thought sufficient justice in the course of this short essay, but I encourage you to take the baton and run with it, to work this realization out further in your own life and experience: God is actively “joining” you into the fabric of His purpose and plan in ways you cannot even begin to fathom. This is happening every day, whether you’re paying attention or not.
So, listen closely for His leading. Say “yes” to God, and “No” to worldly distractions and convenient compromises. Trust God to know what He’s doing, and where (and with whom) you need to be. Let Him lead. Let yourself be led.
And keep your eyes – and your heart – open for a miracle!
